CHOOSE WHICH OUT OF THESE THREE YOU MOST OFTEN THINK ABOUT. IF EQUAL FOR ALL, CHOOSE ALL THREE.
1) THE PAST
2) THE PRESENT
3) THE FUTURE
Now go ahead and read the story.
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The guy took no notice of the red truck speeding towards him. He stood there in the middle of the road with a vacant look in his eyes. He was lost in his own world. His world of regrets. His world of desires. His world of unfulfilled desires. The blaring horn failed to pierce his ears as he stood there staggering on his feet. The screeching of the tires on the hot melting asphalt, fighting against the sudden brakes to stop their progress made many passers-by to turn, yet he was oblivious to it all.
“SANJAY” he heard someone shout his name. And that was when he finally came to his senses. The millionth of a second that was needed for his brain to process the proceedings around him and plan out a plausible course of action was not available. The thundering truck was not loosing speed enough. But, that time was not required, for a pair of hands snatched him from the brink of death at the last nanosecond.
“What is this sanjay? What is happening to you? Oh god! Why are you doing this to me?” his mother’s wavering words dissolved in tears lodging complaints over the almighty for making her son suffer this way. Her break down in front of so many people irked sanjay’s heart. People were forming a perfect circle around the three people, as it was customary whenever such incidents happened. But that only meant that those people had no better work, not that they cared about the skinny guy with his “geek” glasses, or the old woman breaking down on the pavement of the main road, or the guy who stood there supporting the old woman and glaring at the “geek” sanjay.
But the problem was, Sanjay’s heart only “irked” for such a scene. There was no true remorse or repenting going through his mind. Those strong feelings were dried up for other things in his life. Yet, the sight of his friend Varun, supporting his mother while he, sanjay, stood there helplessly did irk him more.
Without another word his friend guided his mother slowly towards their home. Sanjay followed. Or he thought he did. He couldn’t know for sure, for he was again lost in limbo.
“You are no different from others” his subconscious spoke to him “people around you are just like you. The difference is that, you face your regrets and get lost in them. But they choose to forget. They are sinners just as you are. Incidents and accidents in life happen for a reason. And that reason can be realized and learnt from only by remembering them. Not by getting lost in them like you. Or by forgetting them as everyone around you does.”
But sanjay couldn’t hear his subconscious. He was, as always, lost in his thoughts. Depressed about his life. Depressed about him. A depression that was haunting him for so long that he could no longer remember the source of it. And he no longer cared. He let life pass him by. A chance lost once was a chance lost forever.
He found himself sitting on the same sofa in his living room. “I must have reached home” he thought to himself. He heard footsteps coming down the stairs. He didn’t care to look who it was. But the same pair of hands which had saved him a quarter of an hour ago pulled him up roughly off his chair.
“I have stood by long enough without doing anything. She may be your mom but I am as good her son as you are! So snap out of it! I need our mom! I can’t let you spoil her health this way!” Varun grunted threateningly.
“Come on man! Give me a break! I am normal. Just a bit down” words sprung automatically to sanjay’s mouth making excuses on his behalf, “I would be normal if I catch a nap for a while” he said. It was true, his lapses were intermittent and a good nap always helped pushing it off, though not permanently.
“I am sorry sanjay. This can’t go on any longer. I have made an appointment with a psychiatrist. I need you to go visit him.” Varun said with finality in his voice.
“You think I have lost my mind? I am not going to see some crackpot screw and eat those sleeping pills! Am not insane Varun!” sanjay shouted unable to believe his ears.
“If it’s alright for you to take sleeping pills of your own, a prescribed set won’t be a bad idea!” varun said “yes. I saw the stash of tablets under your bed! Listen to me sanjay. You are not insane but you are obviously under some stress. Just visit the doc. For the sake of our mom and her peace.”
Sanjay nodded sullenly and followed his childhood friend as he locked the house and went out. The bike ride till the hospital was a blur for sanjay. He badly needed his sleep to get himself together again. Within few minutes (or so it seemed to sanjay) they reached their destination.
“Is doctor Ragupathy here?” varun enquired at the reception.
They made their way into a pristine room with the usual smell that was associated with hospital. There was an old man sitting behind the desk. As sanjay sat on the patient’s chair, varun was repeating his conversation which he obviously had with the doctor about sanjay.
The doctor turned around to look at sanjay with a smile and said, “Just because he is stressed doesn’t mean he has to turn to chemicals for his solution. That would be drastic. I will forward you to a friend of mine he is a psychologist. Luckily he is here in the same hospital.”
“But doctor, what is the difference?” varun asked confused.
“It is a common misconception that psychiatrist and psychologists have become analogous. A psychiatrist is one who gives drug therapies and medications. But a psychologist is one who does counseling and analyze what really is troubling the mind.” The doctor explained.
They made their way over to the third floor and waited outside the room with the nameplate “Dr. Rajesh Kumar”. Within a few minutes varun’s cell phone started beeping. After a brief and hurried talk, he made his way over to sanjay.
“I have got to go. Some urgent business has come up. Your turn comes after a while. Dr. Ragupathy has briefed about you to Dr. Rajesh Kumar. After seeing him please wait I will come after finishing the work.” Taking sanjay’s silence as a yes, varun hurried out of the clinic.
Too drowsy to keep his eyes open sanjay rested his head on the wall, while he waited for the doctor to call his number.
…………………………………………………………………………………
“hello Mr. ….???”
“Sanjay”
“Ah, yes. Mr. Sanjay. It would be stupid of me if I ask you what is troubling you I guess.” He said.
“I guess so.” Sanjay replied.
“Ok ok. Now our session today is going to be a simple one. Here fill this up. Which of these do you think the most about? Just put a tick mark below that.” And he gave a sheet to sanjay. It had three columns.
Repenting the past/Acting accordingly in present/Planning the future based on the previous two.
“Hmmm… yes. You have given a Tick mark for the first and nil for the other two. You know what you have become? Compare yourself with these results.” {* table given below}
“You see your problem now sanjay? You are not living your life. Humans tread a small path between the animals and the non living things. Animals don’t repent for the past, and the non living things care for none of them. You need to have a cause and effect relation between your past, present and the future. Keep yourself in check with this chart” he said.
“But… I just space out from time to time. Things keep troubling my mind but I don’t know what they are or why they do so.” Sanjay said dejectedly.
“Have you tried meditating?” he asked.
“Don’t get me started on that! I either end up sleeping or random things keep cropping up in my head. I can’t as they put it “erase every emotion and thought off my mind” I have tried all those a million times!” sanjay said sarcastically.
“SANJAY, WHAT YOU HAVE GOT TO UNDERSTAND IS THE TRUE MEANING OF MEDITATION. MEDITATION IS ANALOGOUS TO INTROSPECTION. “TO ERASE EVERY EMOTION AND THOUGHT OFF YOUR MIND" IS THE AIM, NOT THE PROCESS. MEDITATION IS A GUIDANCE SYSTEM. THE FIRST STEP IS WHERE YOU LISTEN TO YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS INTENTLY. AS YOU ARE NOW. NOW CLOSE YOUR EYES AND TRY TO
MEDITATE” he said and continued
“YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TELL ME, IT MAY BE PERSONAL, BUT MAKE A MENTAL NOTE OF THE FIRST THOUGHT THAT IS DISTURBING YOU. AND NOTE THE EMOTION ASSOCIATED WITH IT. MAKE A NOTE OF TEN SUCH THOUGHTS. NOW, THE THOUGHTS THAT USUALLY COME FIRST ARE YOUR PAST ISSUES FOR WHICH YOU REPENT. THE PRESENT PROBLEMS FOLLOW. THEN COMES YOUR DESIRES FOR THE FUTURE. MAKE IT A POINT TO SET CORRECT AT LEAST FIVE OF THE TEN THOUGHTS BEFORE YOU MEDITATE NEXT TIME. AND THAT MY FRIEND IS THE ART OF MEDITATION AND THE KEY TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE” he said.
“KEEP IN CONTACT WITH ME FROM TIME TO TIME AND YOU WILL NEVER GO ASTRAY” he finished.
……………………………………………………………………………………..
“Mr.sanjay?” nurse called out the name after an hour of waiting. “The doctor will see you know.”
Sanjay woke up. Oddly, not from a nap. There was a smile in his eyes.
“I don’t think I will need his help anymore. But he may need this” he gave the nurse a piece of paper on which he drew a table,{* table given below}
“Now if you will excuse me, I have a few things in my life to sort out.” Sanjay said and started walking away.
The nurse was amazed to see the certainty in the man’s gait and the transformation from the decrepit and dolorous man who entered the clinic with his friend. Sanjay turned with a gleam in his eyes and said,
“AFTER ALL, WHEN YOU REALLY LISTEN TO YOURSELF, YOU ARE SELDOM AT THE NEED OF OTHER'S HELP!”
